Let me preface this new site feature by saying... I'm just a mark like you.
A life long wrestling fan who has long crafted his own storylines and such in his head. I've done "predictions" for shows countless times before both on paper, in my head, and even here on this very website... but for some reason I find that can be a bit different than actually fantasy booking the show. There is a difference between what I think "they" will do and what I would do. What follows is how *I* would choose to book World of Hurt Wrestling's return to Whitehall, NY and the Whitehall Athletic Club on November 22, 2013. An event that features Bret "Hitman" Hart on the flier! I should say that while Bret is appearing for WOHW in a meet and greet capacity with fans BEFORE the show, I approached this fantasy booking as though he would NOT be making an appearance during the official show. I should ALSO say that I don't know for sure if that is actually the case.
With those caveats in mind? It's FANTASY TIME!
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A packed house in Whitehall. I'd love to have Commissioner Michael Anthony greet the fans and get them amped for a fun evening... But... Hold on a second... "Oh Canada!" starts playing and out comes Mr.Canada Ricky Williams.
My concern is that the fans who love, adore and just met Bret Hart will want to cheer the despicable and often unintelligible heel Mr.Canada. So he needs to make it clear that he is an asshole from the get. Maybe even carrying a "BRET SUCKS!" sign along with the Canadian flag. If they are feeling adventurous, give Mr.Canada a mic and allow him to briefly state his case: "Bret abandoned us! Doesn't represent Canada!" Or whatever. The former Mikey Mudd could capably guide this segment where it needed to go. Mr.Canada says Canada HATES Bret Hart -- He gets cut off by the explosive arrival of Bam Bam Badger.
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MATCH #1: BAM BAM BADGER vs Mr.CANADA
Match gets off to a roaring start and ends in dramatic fashion with a clean pin and victory for Bam Bam. Typical "get em warmed up" fare. Nothing overly flashy. Just give us a solid start. Maybe a post-match spot where Bam Bam gets a "thank you Bret!" chant going. Who knows. Again, I'm operating under the assumption that Bret won't be appearing during the actual event.
WINNER: BAM BAM
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Up next, Shane Alden is introduced to raucous applause. Gets in the ring and talks about how excited he is to be there and to finally have a one on one opportunity not only to face Vince Beach but to win the title in front of all of his fans, you know, typical babyface stuff. Which brings out Mr.Mann and Marty the Party (who of course represent Beach). They inform Shane that their client won't be there tonight. Something about getting his Maserati stuck in cow manure on the way and he insisted on overseeing its towing and delivery to a repair shop in Manhatten. Or something. Shane is caught off guard by a marauding Beach who enters via the crowd. Beach lays Alden out. His reps hold Shane prone and defenseless as Beach targets Alden's ribs. Starr and Danger run out along with Sidusky and Kyle Brad to make the save and chase the evil trio from the ring. Shane needs help to get to his feet and is escorted backstage by his nearest and dearest. Suddenly, there is doubt about whether Shane Alden can overcome this attack and muster the energy and intensity needed to defeat Beach... And isn't that what this is all about?
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MATCH #2: "REDNECK RANDY WALKER vs HOSS
Ok. This match wasn't announced. But I am throwing them together simply because they should be on the card and because their pictures shared a spot on one of the ads. Why not? Walker recently debuted a heel persona - with sort of a borderline domestic violence gimmick with his sister Brandy - which I actually find to be pretty unique and fresh for the pairing. Hoss, on the other hand, can't walk out there without the crowd cheering for him - so he plays the babyface here. With that settled, this ones a stiff brutal affair. Hoss dominates, Randy tries to cheat, but Brandy keeps pointing it out to the ref because she can't help it! She remembers the kindler gentler man her brother once was! Hoss could give two shits how Randy treats this broad, he just wants to beat him up as efficiently as possible so he can get his win and get to the bar at the WAC where his whistle can be appropriately wetted. And win, he does. Brutally.
WINNER: HOSS
Post match, Hoss celebrates and goes straight to the bar through the crowd, fans patting him on the back along the way... Leaving Randy to get angry in the ring as he realizes what just happened. And who will he take this anger out on? His sister, Brandy, of course. Eventually... He has her by her hair about to lay her out... Will he? COULD he? ...But out comes ASHLEY ALDEN! She throws a Lou Thesz press on the Redneck and takes him down! Crowd goes nuts! Randy takes a powder and sulks and slinks backstage with a modicum of remaining dignity while Ashley asks Brandy to hop in the wheel barrow. Ashley, the image of girl power, takes Brandy backstage to cheers. (This would lead to an Ashley vs Randy comedy style match at the next show, by the way...)
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I dunno... I think that could work!
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MATCH #3: FRONZ RODDY vs KYLE BRAD
I want to call this match of the night... And I admit that's how I'd approach it... I am a huge fan of both of these guys. Can't wait for this pairing! Make it an even showing. See-saw battle. Brad has the win in his hands... But ...In the end... Kyle B-Rad is cheated of victory when Roddy grabs hold of the tights in a surprise roll up and immediately sneaks out of the ring without even retrieving his trademark feather boa! Big yet tainted victory for The Mighty One!
WINNER: FRONZ RODDY
Post-Match, Kyle Brad pulls himself back up and is shown the respect and adulation of the crowd as WOH officials announce the beginning of INTERMISSION!
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During intermission, I buy one raffle ticket and win whatever is up for grabs.
And it's awesome.
A small, young child cries when they lose.
And it's awesome.
BACK TO THE ACTION!
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MATCH #4 ERIC ALDEN vs PUNK - Tables Match
This will be entirely what you expect. A lot of table-spot teases and reversals... Eric will probably drop some thumb tacks... I'd like to see Punk have a trick of his OWN up his sleeve; whether it's something old school like brass knuckles or something more overt and brutal like a baseball bat... I would just make this as hardcore as was allowable. Big finish comes with some kind of turnbuckle fall-spot through a table set up at ringside. Yeah. I'm evil. But these guys are nuts and this is a big show and - goddamn it - if they want to work again under my regime they'd do it! Damn it!
WINNER: ERIC ALDEN
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Violent and effective, we lead into our tag team feature of the evening for the World of Hurt Tag Team Championship!
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MATCH #5: DANGER/STARR (c) vs PURE DYNAMITE
I'll be up-front. (Why waste anyone's time?) I would attempt somewhat of a double-turn here. I'd turn Danger into THE promotions monster heel and give fans of WOHW the much deserved and ultra rewarding opportunity to CHEER for the Capitol Regions most entertaining homegrown tag team in ... FOREVER. Danger turns on Starr right at the moment of the likely hot tag, allowing a stunned and surprised Pure Dynamite to (almost) reluctantly make the cover and regain the belts.
WINNERS: PURE DYNAMITE - New Champs, son!
Post-Match, PD watch outside the ring completely shocked as Danger choke slams his former friend, Jeff Starr, in the center of the ring 3 consecutive times to the boos of the crowd. Danger seems to turn and gesture to choke slamming Starr's fiancée, his "Hollywood Vixen" and the new tag champs have seen enough. Danger lets her go and finally leaves the ring as PD help Starr to his feet as his rightfully-concerned girlfriend looks on...
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Oh snap. After this event, I would have Danger cut a dark, scary youtube promo where he explains how TIRED he is of Jeff Starr making it "all about Jeff" (Starr's life-threatening surgery, recovery, etc... His insistence on having the Vixen at his side, etc). Danger thinks its time for things to be "all about Danger"... And he has his sights set on the Heavyweight Championship (which he would ultimately win) I have long term thoughts on where this would lead, including it eventually coming down to Eric Alden finally defeating the monster, Danger, to become WOH Champion... But let's get back to THIS show!
Before the next match, the ring announcer "puts the fans at ease" and tells them that the main event between Alden and Beach is still set to go down... But that Shane Alden has refused medical attention and is competing against the advice of medical professionals on site in Whitehall.
Hell yeah.
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MATCH#6: SWINGER SIDUSKY vs ADAM BADGER
Did I say that Roddy/Brad would be match of the night? Well, fuck me because this match is happening too! This will be another high octane, fast paced contest where the crowd is left breathless. In the end, both men would ALSO be breathless and unable to answer the mutual ten count. Don't call it a cop out. We are building, people.
WINNER: The Fans
(My vision here would see Sidusky and Badger eye each other across the ring post match, both struggling to stand... Sidusky offers a hand out of respect... The crowd doesn't know WHAT should happen... Badger teases he will shake Swingers hand, and instead SPITS in Sidusky's face before dipping out of the ring laughing maniacally! Let's see some long term stuff built here! Certainly if the chemistry is there!)
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Finally it's time for our Main Event... They come out separately but are introduced by the ring announcer whilst standing nose to nose in the center of the ring. Give this a HUGE big match feel. Dramatic pauses. Slow build from the bell. All of that...
MATCH #7: VINCE BEACH(c) vs SHANE ALDEN
Man... This has such fun potential it's crazy. Both guys need to take their time. A lot of stalling from Beach early. An over abundance of nursing the now taped-up ribs of Alden. Beach naturally targets the ribs... But Shane won't stay down. That's the story. Beach is pulling out all the stops. Marty and Mr.Mann are getting involved (before being ejected from ringside) yet Shane Alden is drawing off the crowd. He can feel it. Tonight is the night. Alden gets control but -- REF BUMP! Out comes a replacement but he is too late! Beach recovers... Alden counters -- ANOTHER REF BUMP! The original ref is finally back into it but Beach is still in it! He DROPS Shane Alden chest first across his knees and goes for a cover... But SHANE KICKS OUT! Now Vince is PISSED! He flips out! He "accidentally" shoves the referee over the top rope and goes on the attack on Alden! STOMPING on his ribs! Removing the supportive/protective/completely-cosmetic tape from Alden's midsection and is going to town! But... What's this?!? Out comes Commissioner Michael Anthony! Beach watches in horror while Anthony removes a zebra shirt from a downed ref and puts it on himself, not caring that it's three sizes too small! Anthony gets in the ring and gets in Beachs face, barking about "stripping" Beach of the title for putting hands on an official, etc... that's when Your Lifeguard turns around to find a resurgent Shane Alden on the attack. Plants him. Center of the ring. That's right. Pin. New champion. House EXPLODES! Hoss, Kyle Brad and Swinger come out to hoist Alden on their shoulders. Nice moment...
And that's when Danger RUINS it. Takes out the champ. His friends. Even the injured Jeff Starr who tries to make the save. He goes to leave with the belt... Then throws it back in the ring, as if to say "not now".
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So yeah... That's the general gist. That's what I'd do. Hope this was an interesting read and that you check out the actual show to see hat really goes down! Other than Hoss/Randy, that's the lineup! Anything could happen! Don't miss the show!
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